It's All Perspective - Plans??

Since my last post I slept - I ate lunch - and I slept some more. Brett brough me a Ruben from the famous Jerry's Deli. It was good. Nice to have something to break things up. Oddly enough (and very sad) Jane and Jerry Maurice (friends from Ridgecrest) are here. Jerry is having major heart issues. Jerry is looking like he needs a heart transplant. I listen and realize how "little" my problems seem to be right now. People in my unit of the hospital have typically had brain surgery or something similar effecting their neurological function in a very serious way.

I bring this up as a reminder that I need to refocus. I don't begin to understand what God has planned here. Why am I sitting here in this hospital bed, 18 days after I was admitted. Why are all the doctors stumped? I've had more tests done than I can begin to count or probably even know. I have specialists I don't even know trying to solve this mystery. Today I got angry,frustrated, emotionally overwhelmed. I slept for hours off and on. Sleep my body needed and could use days more. My mind doesn't know how to work this without a plan. What is happening? What is the diagnosis? Based on that diagnosis what is in the future?

Not only do I not have a diagnosis, I have these terrible 'episodes' that feel like seizures. Just as a starting point it would sure be nice to just have a name for them!!! I was told they were myoclonus episodes for a few days, then one of my specialists decided that was incorrect. Just thinking about the fact that I have been in here 18 days I have no name - I can feel my heart race. I am sure my heart monitor that is at the nurses station and monitored down on the 5th floor is wondering what changed. Why has my heart rate changed? What is going on in my head? The cardiologist has me on a beta blocker to treat the heart rate - it has not gone below 100 since this mess started 5 August. They said today that my blood pressure changed and was too low for the medicine. The aide did it manually and I can't help but think "ya right" The next time they took it - an hour later it was 120/78. Sounds much more along the lines of my "regular".

Well long discussion with the gastroenterologist - the best new specialist I have. He comes by every night whether he needs to or not. Apparently we are looking at my adrenal glands as we speak - waiting for the test to come back. He felt the MRI looks fine - for some reason my left abdominal muscle is significantly larger than my right. Curious??? They don't seem to have a reason. I do have one more specialist to look at the MRI. She has done my last two surgeries. In the past, she has found things when no one else has.

Well, out for tonight. I'm suddenly roasting hot and feeling out of breath. Not good signs for me lately.... wish me luck