Haven't blogged in far too long. I'm sorry to those that truly are interested and are concerned about me. I had some feedback that quite honestly left me questioning if I wanted to be sharing such personal and emotional information with the world. Of course I considered this at length prior to doing it, but re-evaluation was important. Decision, this is more therapeutic and enjoyable for me than I willing to give up.
Most of my blogs are far from amazing writing. I often times will just write what is on my mind - blindly share what I am experiencing. At times this ends in less than stellar, smooth easy to understand reading. I have always tried to go back and edit them for spelling/grammar/clarity as I feel up to it. For the same reasons I'm not working, doing that it's easier said than done. Dr appts (rarely less than 3 hour drive) constantly changing hard core meds that I'm on - I'm sorry folks its part of my reality right now.
I had many compliments about what I wrote in honor of my mom on her birthday. First of all thank you, it meant a LOT and was very emotional for me to not just write but share with her AND the world. I don't consider it "just a blog" I spent a lot of time, many days, hours working on it. How the words flowed, exactly what I said and how I said it were carefully choreographed. I had a lot that needed to be said for myself. However, if you want to see me, my experiences as they happen good, bad and ugly (my purpose of blogging). Some times I haven't slept for 24 hrs, other times I can barely keep my eyes open despite the 20 hrs of sleep I've had. Again not to mention what medications I'm on.
Another point I want to talk about that has been a major topic of emotional change, personal investigation. My drive for "success" has been a topic of discussion more than once. Someone even stated that basically you don't strive for success - that is something that will be determined by others ultimately in your obituary. Having written obituaries for a few years in my early 20s at the local newspaper I couldn't agree more with this statement. I also recognize that success is measured by each of us VERY differently. The areas of success are equally diverse. Would a different word have been better suited? Possibly....but for now I hope my readers understood my meaning.
Now I question with all of this. Should I have go back and edit all of this, attempt to improve my quality from here out? My first rule for ME is this is my experience, my blog, my personal emotions. None of its changing for someone else this time. That would make no sense now would it? I go back and re-read past postings. If I choose I clean it up. One of the very harsh realities for me and you if your watching, my writing demonstrates for me (as clearly as a video recording) my bad days whether its pain, too many mess in me, or just plain emotional. Some blobs just drop off and end....I started having an episode, or the meds were just strong and I fell as
This experience isn't cotton candy.....mmmm THAT sounds good LOL. Its arguably the most challenging, life altering, emotional ---- I have ever experienced. There are pretty days, basic days and downright ugly.
So, please keep the comments coming. Some have been intellectually and philosophically challenging for me. I'm not ignoring them. I feel blessed just by the thought that was put into the messages. Please understand they deserve equal response which right now I simply can't provide an answer I'm happy with.
Visitors - My house is open! I'm missing everyone terrible. Please come by! Usually I am home. Even emails. I love it ALL!!
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