Strength and Love

I am never surprised by the strength and love that friends provide. They all serve different rolls and do very different thing - in the end filling my heart so full. I sat at a birthday party tonight and watched a small section of our friends wondering - how did I get so blessed. It amazes me how God provides.
One challenge when I look at my life is how does Brett continue to work and maintain his life and sanity despite my epilepsy. As I have said he is always the first one here for me, the last and everything in between. I know he must keep some independence.
I have gotten friends to help with little (and ladies understand important) hair appointments. I am blessed that my hairdresser is one of my dearest friends. She does everything to not only accommodate but keep me feeling like myself no matter the barriers.
Yesterday I spent the day with a friend that has witnessed my seizures repeatedly - understanding exactly what I do and how to handle it. My hope was despite a seizure Brett could stay at work. Unfortunately, I had one but all went smooth. As soon as Brett heard he came and got me - worried of course. It was very hard to experience the seizure with someone else but I got through. One challenge time will get us through.
That seizure was different - I remember most of it, I know how long it lasted, how long speech was gone- but afterwards I was very confused. I remember Brett getting me ice cream and eating it- this is something I often want after episodes. I don't remember where we went, I don't remember coming home, I don't remember changing or why I did. Luckily Brett identified my confusion and cancelled our dinner date as I wouldn't have been very fun. I went to sleep at some point until Brett woke me up with dinner made.
Today a friend and I went to breakfast while Brett knocked out a big hike. Something dawned on me after breakfast, the diagnosis of epilepsy has made some changes that are very important. I have had seizures now for a year. That part isn't different, only the name is. All of the sudden people feel either more comfortable or responsible to ask how to handle me if I have a seizure. Lots of questions about how they look, what is expected, who does the ativan shot and where? How long will it last? I will have to write an entire other blog answering those questions.
The opposite reaction I have gotten is oh so and so had epilepsy and has forever is fine and you will be too. No worries type approach, comfort with the disease and what it entails.
I see every response I get as valuable. I appreciate that I am safe enough for folks to ask questions and be honest with. I know that as I began writing on Tuesday I wasn't ready for that yet. I am moving through the process. Sometimes maybe I am stronger than others, even though it's a year old to me "EPILEPSY" still sounds brand new. Ordering my med alert bracelet was a real reality that things have changed.
Tonight Kate told me- keep writing whenever you can. A few months ago Nancy told me the same thing. She personally found it so healing when she went through hell. I didn't ignore Nancy, I was a loss for words. It was confusing, scary and physically difficult to do it. Now I understand why, hopefully that will make writing in the future easier.
I close with a happy birthday to Misty - such a beautiful soul. It was wonderful to see you! Darlene thank you for having us. I love your music and only wish the lightening hadn't interrupted our visit.