Admitted at Cedars

After my seizures progressively worsening - I was admitted to Cedars Sinai. Yet again MRI and an EEG as well as blood tests. I had the requested CT Scan done at RRH this past week. As if now Ibhsbe nkbg? I am averaging 4-5 seizures each day for unknown reasons. As of now, Friday morning, nothing  has been done to stop or reduce them. I am being given Ativan IVP along with soma and morphine for pain.
Just going to keep it this short. With meds and confusion its so hard to write. I am constantly correcting and fixing myself. I realize that it isn't just meds- my brain is just plain struggling.
I have great nurses. Day nurses are enjoyable and for the most part enjoyable. One today was scared of my seizures. They are just different. The Stafford  the past two nights I have begged to stay - i.e. cancel flights everything. She offered to hide me in her suitcase. That would be Jennifer the RN from Canada. She is so much fun its just unreal. She is strong and understanding during  seizures. The Clinical Partner Adele is rough around the edges and a former poster worker. I couldn't be more blessed by both the care I am getting but the love and personality- and laughter they bring.
Ok my brain is hurting not good. Off I go for no. i don't have any news to report. Hugs.

Que Syrah Syrah

During my illness my parents gave me a great sign "Que Syrah Syrah" - "what will be will be". A reminder that my constant worrying doesn't change a thing! Perhaps I need it tattooed on my arm.

On Thursday as we sat in the waiting room at the endocrinologists office, I found myself a bundle of nerves. I was terrified of the unknown. Isn't that always what we fear the most?

A man came in late thirties early forties. He sat down and immediately began telling us how over many years his health had deteriorated and just two weeks prior he had a heart transplant. As he shared his experiences my mind wandered very quickly away from my own issues. Initially, I was thankful for the distraction. As he continued to talk I realized that while my situation has seemed so scary - I haven't required an organ transplant. He later mentioned briefly the thought that someone else lost their life to give him life. I could hear a struggle. Why was he given life over someone else?

We all have our challenges. This strangers story was unique and emotional to him. I know so many friends that have experienced their own challenges. Some resulting in wonderful success in the end, some diagnosed with chronic illness and pain that has forever changed their day to day life, a few that despite fighting the unimaginable have died far to young.

Mom, Jeanie, Carrie, Michealle, Nance, Lenny, Zach your strength and courage are my inspiration. Miah, Tammy and Gina you fought courageous battles and were taken so early from this earth.

In the end for all of us, what will be will be. We fight, we do our best to be strong, to maintain our improve our health. Ultimately, no matter your spiritual beliefs worrying isn't going to change the end result. Arguably, it may even make it worse. So, no matter your individual challenge today or tomorrow - remember - Que Syrah Syrah ......