In Memory of Mike Hunsinger

Note: I have been writing, rewriting and reworking this blog for over a week. Tonight I realize its time to share. I am still missing so many thoughts, feelings, words. Perhaps that will come later. For now.....
In Memory of Mike Hunsinger -
Life is an journey. As we pass through we meet all types of people. Its a true blessing when we are lucky enough to meet the kind of person that impacts our lives, challenges and even changes the way we think or feel. The impact may be made over years and years, other times a person's gift in our life is delivered much different.
On February 22, a son, husband, father, friend, hot-rodder and mentor took his life. I find myself void of words to express my feelings. My heart breaks for those that were blessed to call Mike family or friend. Their loss is not one that can be measured. He had so many amazing relationships that withstood the test of time. I can't begin to imagine the loss and emptiness they are experiencing.
We met Mike and Darlene through mutual friends that had been friends. We had met briefly numerous times over the years, parties, events, etc.  My first real experience with Mike was one evening about two and a half years ago. Mike and Dennis came over to the house to drop off dinner. I was not doing so well physically or emotionally that night. Recent surgery, pain, fear, overwhelmed.... Things were taking their toll for the moment. Honestly, when I saw Dennis wasn't alone I thought "Really Dennis, not tonight I look as horrible as I feel. How uncomfortable a situation with someone I don't know well."  My attitude was immediately shattered by the joy, compassion, strength and love that Dennis and Mike brought through the door. It was just what I needed. They instantly had me smiling, laughing, and feeling a strength I so badly needed.
From that day on, Mike became a quick friend. He was concerned about my health, concerned about how Brett was doing. He would make sure to check on us often, a quick visit with Brett around the office, a myriad of questions about my latest doctor's appointment.s and of course car talk. Always offering a hug, assistance  and uplifting words. Brett came home just about weekly with a message  "Mike says he is praying for you."
Mike and my Brett shared a love for classic cars. They became fast friends. Mike was a true old school hot rodder - eager to share everything he knew with the younger generation. His love and passion for the hobby was contagious. I admired the time he spent with his son, teaching him the art of building, showing, hot rodding. He did the same with club members, newbies in the hobby and everyone in between. Mike's love of cars was always evident. He used his passion to host and organize Toys for Tots drives every year as well as helping numerous other charities raise money. He was a man with a big heart.
The last time I saw Mike was just a few weeks ago, appropriately at a car show raising money for the Ridgecrest Regional Hospital Foundation. I was not feeling well and was very late arriving. It had been one frustrating morning. I enjoy dressing pinup for car shows. It's my part of the hobby. My tremor was fierce - I couldn't get my hair fixed - dropped the curling iron repeatedly and eyeliner, mascara, lipstick were out of the question. I couldn't even balance on heels for that matter! (For those that don't know me - heels are my staple! I always have crazy, high heels on. Its my thing) I felt defeated, not to mention terribly sore and uncomfortable from the constant muscle spasms. I was felt like I was quickly losing me.
Unbeknownst to me, Brett had shared my frustrations with Mike, and just moments after I got there I was getting that compassionate hug I had come to know along with words of concern and encouragement.
For some reason, I have spent days trying to recall his words only to realize the exact words aren't particularly important, it was more the meaning. In his hug and words, I realized that being there with friends was more important than all my superficial concerns about my hair, makeup, shoes. Time spent with those we care about is what matters. He changed my entire outlook instantly. Not only did he change the course of my day but my mindset when it comes to the challenges I face each day in this new life I am learning to live.
Tonight we attended the viewing. For me one step in saying good bye. Honestly, I hadn't realized how much seeing him one last time would mean to me. Before we got there I had mixed feelings about an open casket. Mike's soul was long gone, he is in a place of happiness and peace - pain free. Seeing him peaceful was healing. It gave me the chance to say thank you and good bye.
I will never know what Mike was experiencing or why he ended his life.  I don't need to know. I do have moments where I wish I had known that he also was struggling, that he was hurting. I wish I had told him what an impact he had made in my life. I wish that just once I could have given him just a piece of what he gave to me.
In moving forward, I do know that the impact he made on my life was small compared to those that had the benefit of decades of friendship with him.
I pray that I can be the positive force in the lives of others that Mike was. I challenge myself to continue the love that Mike shared. Most importantly, remember everyone is struggling. Let those that impact my life know what they mean to me.
Mike - I thank the Lord that you came into my life even though it was only for a short time. I am still shocked at how hard this has hit me that you are gone. I do know that despite all the tears and pain, I wouldn't give back the opportunity to have you in our lives. I thank you for being what I needed. I thank you for helping me see what is truly important.  I will never forget your friendship, compassion, empathy and strength. I am so sorry that you were in such despair. I only wish you could have known how much you were loved before you left us. God bless you.