Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera this music has felt as if it is speaking to me lately. The struggle - at times like yesterday I feel like Phantom. Someone that has been created not by personal choice is now nothing more than terrifying, has great talent and love however will never be able to let the world see those.
Today I feel vulnerable - Christina - beautiful, tragic, vulnerable and fearful my talents will be lost in the night. Desperate for someone to need me and be honest with me.  Just like her I want freedom from this - time to enjoy my life. I have the love of a lifetime - it is metaphorical for different aspects of my life. Any where I WANT to go I want to feel free to go. I feel as if the seizures and health are the phantom holding me in some dark chamber. Keeping my light from shining. I have gained 25+ lbs since I walked in the hospital Aug 5. For the first time in my life I feel FAT. Even harder - I have a publisher interested in including me in more books, maybe even submit to higher distribution publications.
I learned today in psychotherapy - only way I'm going to get through this challenge. If you are dealing with chronic pain, devastating illness - get help! I was resistant. I am stubborn. If I didn't have this outlet, I couldn't sort out the torture, grief, fear and so much more that my brain, heart and soul struggle with each day. Today I learned why despite being surrounded by amazing supportive people I feel alone. I was able to verbalize it, have someone understand and show me that I just need a REAL hug and I must fall into the embrace and accept it. What a feeling! It was there all along, I didn't know how!
Well, time to wrap this up. I need to sleep. Please pray for me tomorrow. I am seeing Dr. Jerome Lint, a movement specialist that responded to my desperate email and got me in immediately. HE is eager to see me. I pray this means something positive, at least a diagnosis.

Hugs to all of my readers. My stats the other day were unreal! I'm not sure if it will continue or if it was right? I hope someone is listening and maybe this is making their struggle a bit easier.